Wednesday, January 29, 2014

little nomad heart.

i think of myself as a wanderer.

if i did not have to worry about money, or personal safety, i'd pick up and leave when the urge struck.  i'd travel everywhere, and see as much of the world as i possibly could.

i see pictures of all these beautiful places - turkey, brazil, ireland, greece, etc. - and i just want to go there so badly.  i want to stand in fields of sunflowers in tuscany, see the deepest blues of the mediterranean, climb mountains, study works of art.  my heart longs for adventure and knowledge.  i just want to pick up and go.  one day.  that's my dream.  to one day be able to visit as many of the places on my list as humanly possible.

i've realized that my goals and aspirations have changed greatly in the past few years.  i used to want a home and kids with the ex.  i wanted to find a job that would make me lots of money, so i could give my family everything they deserved.

now, i want those things still (minus the ex), but i also want to indulge and spoil myself.  i noticed that i've been doing things i wouldn't have done before.  staying out late on work nights, taking a random trip to katy, cutting my hair short (ok, that hasn't happened yet, but it's on my list).

that's my goal for this year.  the old me me would have said no to most of those things, if not all.  but suddenly i feel like there's this fire in my heart, and i just want to do everything.  i want to take chances and do things outside of my comfort zone.  i want to cook things that will probably end up disastrous, but will be fun in the process.  i want to decorate a home i haven't bought yet.  i want to apply to schools and jobs in places i've never been but have always wanted to explore.  i want to go on a date with a guy i just met and spend the entire time just doing random, of-the-moment, things.  why not?  maybe i'm not as young as i was when it was appropriate to still make mistakes, but maybe these aren't mistakes.  maybe this is a life taking form, and driving me to the destiny i've yet to meet. 

or maybe it's just the wanderer in me.  refusing to set roots.

guess we'll have to wait and see.

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