the let down.

she's starting to forget.

forget the reasons why she loved him.  forget the reasons she gave up so much.  there is so much doubt in her heart, it's hard to get to the root of the feelings she had when she was 17 years old, and knew nothing of the world.

did the things she believed she loved really exist?  or did she build these things up in her mind, and he was actually always a jerk?

she remembers little things, nit-picky things.  his inability to come home on time, when he was out with the boys.  how he hated for her to be out with her friends.  he never understood her friendship with her college ladies.  that you could come from two very different places, and understand each other, know each other, and still love each other.  how he believed in a "them" and an "us", which her mind could never completely wrap-around.

the bigger, grander gestures begin to look less shiny.  

then she wonders, will it always be this way?  will she second-guess every feeling?  every butterfly in her stomach, every intake of breath, every fluttering of her heart.  will there always be shades of grey?