Friday, August 27, 2010

more sugarland for the soul...

this week has definitely been a sugarland kinda week.  with classes and ernest being gone for 5 days instead of 1 night i really needed a little boost and inspiration.  one of my all-time favorite songs (i always say i have a top ten, instead of a favorite-favorite, but the truth of the matter is i could never pick just ten!) is "already gone" from their "love on the inside" album (third album).

i've written before about how i went to school in upstate new york, 2000 miles away from home.  i'm fairly certain i've mentioned once or twice my reasons for going.  but i've never really given you an idea of how i got it into my head that i had to go to new york for college.

my mom has been, probably, the biggest influence in my life next to my dad.  together they are a force to be reckoned with, but they do it in the least manipulative way, merely making suggestions or dropping hints.  my parents are more of a guiding force than dictators.  took me a while to figure that out, especially when i was in high school and my dad and i bumped heads more times than i can count, but i did, and i've definitely used it to my advantage.

anyway, both of my parents had dreams of leaving san antonio.  my dad actually went to texas tech in lubbock for his first year of school, and while he's never talked much about it, i think he actually might have enjoyed it. 

my mom, she wanted to go to new york.  i think she always dreamed of it.  dreamed of having carrie bradshaw's life before carrie bradshaw was even thought of.  even if she didn't realize it until it was too late, i think deep down that's what my mom always wanted.

and so, that is where the suggestion came from.  my mom might've mentioned it once or twice.  "why go to ut when you can go anywhere?"  why, indeed?

as one can guess, between the suggestion that i could do anything, go anywhere and my parents firm hold when it came to my social life (or lack thereof), i was "already gone".

when it came to falling in love, well, i wasn't quite ready for that.  but i am of the belief that true love cannot be helped.  i will always love ernest, no matter what happens in our lives.  i always did.  i may have only been 17 when we met, but i don't believe that i was naive or too young. 

i wouldn't trade my broken heart for the world.  it was a lesson, another moment which guided me to the woman i am today.  i will never deny someone's love for another human being, because i understand it, only too well.  it just can't be helped.

so, when ernest came back into my life, and everybody warned me, everyone was looking out for my best interests, i wanted to listen to reason.  i did.  but, i was "already gone".

"Already Gone" - Sugarland

my mama mapped out the road that she knows
which hands you shake and which hands you hold
in my hand-me-down mercury ready to roll
she knew that i had to go

and hang out make lots of noise
and lay out late with a boy
make the mistakes that she made
cause she knew all along

i was already gone
i was already gone
life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on

they say the first time won't ever last
that didn't stop me the first time he lauged
all my friends tried to warn me the day that we met
girl don't you lose your heart yet

but his dark eyes dare me with danger
and sparks fly like flames to a paper
fire in his touch burning me up
but still i held on

 cause i was already gone

(again, not using all of the lyrics, hear the full song here.)

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