i could stare at the big, bright Texas sky for hours. all day and even into the night. a clear night, when all the stars are out. i could sit there in awe, just taking it all in, and thinking how lucky we are to have something so beautiful in our lives. but there was a time when i forgot to look up. there was a time when my head hung so heavy and i missed the beauty in a clear sky. i remember how easily my mind turned to "you've got to take care of yourself," after everything happened last summer. my heart broke, but my spirit didn't. and there were rough days, spent on the couch, watching movies that brought tears to my eyes. but i didn't cry half as much as i thought i would. it didn't hurt half as bad as i thought it would. i forced myself to go out, to do things, to spend time with people i love. i became my own sunshine, and over time it became easier to accept how things had happened. i still get stormy about it sometimes. when i think of how i knew in my gut that something was wrong. but i realized recently that i don't cry like i used to. and i laugh and smile a lot more these days. it's funny how we don't realize how miserable we were until the aftermath, until everything has subsided, and we can't take those moments back. but we can learn and live a little better because of it.
so be your own sunshine, loves. be the catalyst for the change you need in your life. find your happy.