Friday, December 9, 2016

truer words.

i couldn't ask for more.

there are days that i don't want to do this anymore.  in the aftermath of certain painful blog posts i had a lot of second thoughts.  it was like standing naked on a busy street corner, just waiting to be able to cross the street, only to have to turn around and do it again.  i actually came back a few hours after to take them down, to find that so many people had already read them.  they were out there.  there was no going back.

this blog hasn't always exactly been what i thought it would be when i started blogging nine years ago.  but then again maybe it is.  i started roller coaster rides as a way to keep up with my family while i was living in another state.  give them a glimpse into my life, as i finished college, moved in with ernest, and started my "adult life".  i guess the title of my blog became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  here i am, nine years wiser, and my life truly has been one long roller coaster ride.  there have been so many ups and downs - living in different cities, traveling, moving back home, ending my marriage, falling in love again in the most electric way, new jobs, getting my heart broken, the birth of my first nephew, and now being thirty and trying to figure it all out.

for the longest time i identified as a writer, but i also fought it.  i've spent years trying to find the thing that i was meant to do, but it was right in front of my face all along.  i am a writer.  i will always be a writer.  i will always see the world through a writers' eyes.  no matter what job i'm in, or career path i follow, this is who i will be at heart.

i've found, though, that i have started to feel less and less like letting people into my life.  that's not the right way to put it, but i'm not sure how else to say...maybe just that i want more online privacy.  i want to foster friendships with people in person, not over social media.  y'all, as my readers, only see snippets of my life.  there is so much more to me than the heartbroken soul you've been reading about.  yes, i am sad.  yes, i hurt a lot some days.  but there are others when i don't stop smiling.  there are moments spent with my sisters, my parents, my best friends, that you don't read about.  that's just the nature of this whole blog writing experiment.

anyway, i'm not ditching the blog just yet.  i'm just going to take more time to write good sentences.  :)

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