Monday, August 15, 2016

seven weeks.

it has been 7 weeks.  7 weeks since we broke up.  7 weeks since i found out he spent the last 9 months (that i know of) of our relationship cheating.  7 weeks since i lost my (much-loved, though incredibly stressful) job.  7 weeks since i (so very sadly) wrecked my car.

in the first moments of those 7 weeks, i realized that i had a chance to start over.  here i am, 30, nothing (absolutely nothing) tying me down or holding me back.  i literally have a blank slate.  isn't that the best thing?  the freedom to be your best self?

it took a few days after everything to remove him from my social media, block his number in my phone, and delete any evidence he existed.  it took me 7 weeks to stop looking at his posts, but it took me just a few days to realize i had stopped.  it happened just as quickly as our breakup.

blocking him made it easier.  knowing that he couldn't get ahold of me, even if he wasn't even trying, made it easier.  it was my choice.  the only choice i had in the whole situation.  i've never looked back.  i never second-guess how i feel about the situation.  i don't let myself miss him, i don't delude myself into thinking he loves or misses me, none of it.  

i'm happier now than i've been in a long time, in spite of my situation, how badly he played me, how much my heart hurts knowing the feelings i felt weren't reciprocated.  and maybe it's because i know i'm free.  i'm not scared to put myself out there.  i have a different kind of confidence - a lot of "fuck it" and a lot of "i can do this, on my own if i have to," and that's not a bad thing to have.  it opens you up to a lot of really cool, really fun experiences.  new friends, old friends.  the knowledge that if you don't feel comfortable with something, and you turn it down, it's ok.  the knowledge that if you do go for something, and it turns you down, it's ok.  because you've already survived the hardest betrayals and heartbreaks.

and life is just so much more beautiful after you realize that.

in case you need more "block him" inspiration.

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