cleaning out my closet.

i keep getting the urge to sit in the dark and just breathe. 

i feel like i keep forgetting how to breathe.  how to inhale and exhale.  how to slow down the rhythm of my beating heart. 

i want to slow down so bad, but i often feel like i have nothing to hold onto.  and if i could just reach a little further, maybe i'll find what i'm looking for.  the thought keeps crossing my mind that i should already be holding onto it, but when i reach out my hand i only feel emptiness.

where is this empty feeling coming from?

oh, what i wouldn't give for a dip in the jacuzzi with a glass of wine and the judds greatest hits playing in the background.