Friday, October 19, 2007


I miss home. It's Meliora weekend and I guess I was kinda looking forward to it for a few different reasons, but now that it's here, I kinda wish I wasn't. I'd give anything just to pack up and leave for a few days. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to see Danielle, but I really just don't want to be here right now. I guess I was just depending on something that I thought was a sure thing, and now since it fell through I wanna be alone. Or with my Mom.

And I'm really tired of being here. I'm tired of the people (aside from my phis and cheer girls and the few guys that are pretty cool) and I'm tired of the atmosphere. And I'm tired of not being able to concentrate. That's probably the biggest thing. I have not been able to concentrate since probably last week when Ernest left to go fly all over the world (who knows where) and it's really frustrating. I can't make anything make sense in my head.

I'm also sleep-deprived, which is never a good thing. I have no time for anything. I'm just a hot mess. I really just want to give up on everything and stay in bed.

I CAN'T WAIT A FEW WEEKS! That's what you don't understand. I need it now. I am not feeling so great right now and I just need it. I need a shoulder to lean on. That's why I'm so disappointed. I really did have a horrible week.

The whole thing with cheerleading and Coach really took a huge toll on me. For half a second I wanted to drop Captain status. I was really surprised I didn't cry, because I definitely had enough emotion going through me to create a breakdown. I try hard not to yell here. Unless it's at Ernest, I try to keep my voice pretty calm. I really don't think anyone has ever seen me like that. Oh yeah, except maybe D-Scherr at Formal last spring (sorry babycakes).

See, I don't understand why the tears won't stop falling. I'm way past crying. I just want to lay down. But no, the tears keep coming. They're falling on their own. I have no control. No control.

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