Wednesday, August 22, 2012

a mystery we just can't understand.

it's crazy how the universe and fate work.  to think that a month ago i was absolutely miserable, and now i have all these wonderful things going on and amazing changes for the better...just blows my mind.

i'm absolutely happier now than i was then.  it didn't take me long at all to realize that getting out of that relationship was the best thing that could've happened to me.  it wasn't until i could take a step back, and really reflect on the situation, that i saw how much the relationship had changed me (and not in a good way).  there were things that were said and done between us, that never should have happened.  things i should have recognized as wrong, but was too blinded by love to see. 

no person deserves to be made to feel like a lesser being.  no one deserves to be lied to, or taken advantage of.  it's no wonder that i started having panic attacks.  his constant picking and hate for every little thing i did that he didn't understand or approve of made me the kind of girl who walked on eggshells.  i couldn't even hang out with my family without feeling guilt and anxiety.  no person should the person they supposedly "love" feel that way.  and i wouldn't wish the way my heart was broken on my worst enemy.  i certainly believe that i deserved an explanation, and at the very least, the truth, instead of excuses about needing "space" and "time to think". 

in the end, i think i look like the strong and brave one, and he's the one that looks like a fool.  i haven't said anything ugly about him, or the other girl.  i haven't tried to contact him, or her.  in fact, i couldn't care less about either of them.  i have only disgust for him.  it's now that i see that the love i felt for him wasn't as real and true as i had thought.  there is someone out there for me, who appreciates my closeness with my family, my inner nerd, my reserved nature.  and that person will love me inside and out, make me feel beautiful and build a life with me that we both will cherish and put work into.  because that's what i deserve. 

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