Wednesday, July 23, 2014

the kind of cold that seeps into your bones.

i cried myself to sleep two nights ago.

this is really starting to get old.  i don't know where the pain comes from.  i don't know why it won't go away.

i read a quote on the humans of new york page a few weeks ago that equated sadness to the kind of cold that gets down to your bones.  no matter how much you cover up and try to warm yourself, you still feel frozen.

that's my sadness, too.

it's just there.  lying in wait.  waiting for the moments when i am at my most vulnerable.  exhausted, lonely, trying to get through.  that's when it appears again.  and i'm left gasping for breath, fighting with all my might, throwing myself into work and school and exercising and reading.  reading other people's words, listening to music, hoping for inspiration, for something to get me out of the muck.  writing until i have no words left.

sometimes i wonder if this will ever go away.  or if i'll be stuck with this kind of sadness for the rest of my life.

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