Saturday, February 8, 2014


my journey to becoming again the confident woman i was when i moved 2,000 miles away from home to rochester, ny, has not been an easy one.

i haven't gone to therapy, although i have considered it on occasion.  i've been lucky enough to be able to lean on the strong and steady people in my life, like my parents, sisters, and closest friends.  i threw myself into things i probably wouldn't have tried if i had still been with the ex (like coaching cheer, going on trips, lots and lots of running).  my therapy took form in pushing my body to its' limits, and forcing myself to dress up and go out and have a good time.  it's worked.  it really has.

but, like i said, it's been a rough road.  there are days that i look in the mirror and wonder who i'm even looking at.  there are days that i second-guess every move i make, every kind word said my way, every thought i have.  then, there are days that i feel like i'm floating on cloud nine.  that's just the way it is.

here's the thing.  no one has the power to make me feel confident, but me.  my life is in my own hands.  i am as successful as i want to be.  i am as happy as i want to be.  that's the thing about life and "free will" (or freedom, or whatever you will) - it's all about choices.

i choose to be happy, and healthy.  it's why i run as much as i can, and i coached cheer, and i write this blog, and i spend a good portion of my money on books.  it's why i want to learn to play the guitar, and ride horses again, and play softball, and write, write, write.  because even if i'm not the best at these things, i'm my best.  

my parents taught me to push myself and to never give up. i can't let the words and actions of one man keep me from realizing my dreams. i refuse to let my past define me. i am not that person he made me feel like i was. i am strong, i am smart, i am beautiful. i no longer avoid my reflection in the mirror. i see myself and it's taken me a long time to get to this point, but the journey was worth it. 

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