a great big world and christina aguilera - "say something".

isn't it amazing how certain things, such as books, movies, songs, etc., can take you back to a specific moment in your life?  the first time i heard this song, i was taken back to summer 2012, when all i wanted/needed was a gesture.  not "the grand gesture" that everyone speaks of, but just enough to make me stay.  i think it might have been around memorial day that i realized how unhappy i was.  i knew i needed to leave, but i couldn't bring myself to do it.

i wanted him to quit.  to quit doing drugs, to quit treating me like i was secondary to everything and everyone else.  i wanted him to see that the only way to keep me was to change.  he claimed that he wanted to make it work, but by the time he realized he was losing me, i was already at the point where the only thing that could've made me stay was a serious, major change in him, which he was unwilling to make.

i would've followed him anywhere.  that's the truth.  i would've followed him to hell and back, but he didn't want to take me with him.   i couldn't help him.  i'm not perfect, but i tried.  until i had almost nothing left.  he had to want it as much as i wanted him to.  and he didn't.  so i had to walk away, despite how badly it broke my heart.

this song is so beautiful.  and i've always been a huge christina fan.  i don't mind that this brings back memories of the pain i felt.  music like this is therapeutic.