...

i want to bawl.  i want to cry giant water drops, cascading down my face, my chest heaving from my sobbing, gulping in huge breaths.  but the tears won't fall.  instead they trickle out, here and there.

there are times i feel so alone.  even in a crowd of people.  even amongst the people i love.  i don't always want them to know how i'm feeling, i don't want to talk about it, though i know it's written all over my face.  i don't want them to worry about me.

the loneliness is one thing.  i might be able to handle that, if it weren't also for the fact that i still don't feel like i know myself.  i still feel lost, unable to etch out that life i know i'm supposed to be living.  where do i go from here?