you can't possibly understand my pain.
the depths of it. how it guts me. you'll never know because you weren't a part of it.
there is nothing left over but hurt and hate and that desperate, alone feeling that i wish would just disappear. nothing.
in the end, there is only myself. loneliness. there is no joy at the end of the tunnel, only a deep, deep hurt. i have nothing to show for the love i once held so dearly in my heart. i am empty. and may be so forever.
so please, give me the one thing sacred i have left. the ability to talk or not talk about it at my will. i don't want to hear his name, to have him even spoken about. only i can do that. it guts me when anyone else brings him, or the situation, up.
and it's not something i want to share.