Thursday, May 2, 2013

same old me.

this year has been nuts.  it's been a constant roller coaster of emotions, and i keep hitting that point where i just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "i give up!"

but the thing is, i really can't.  because i think about the people i have holding me up, and if they won't give up on me, then how could i give up on myself?  i have the greatest support system.  my mom and dad, sisters, family (shout out to my cousin, amber), friends (i couldn't live without these girls:  big shout out to ali, ana, danielle ford, danielle scherry, jenna, kat, kelly, kim, and lisa), not to mention my loyal blog readers.

there is no feeling better than knowing you can make a million mistakes and the people you love will still be right beside you.  sometimes i feel like i'm never going to get out of this hole i'm in.  sometimes i feel like i'll never be successful, i'll never get the things everyone deserves in life (love, happiness, family), but then i remember, i already have those things.  i love my family and friends.  wholeheartedly.

when i visited my besty, danielle, and her fiance, dave, last august (the day after i found out about the cheating, and a week after i had moved out of our apartment), i was surprised by this HUGE card danielle and the girls had made me.  i'm not sure who's idea it was, but they each had written me a little letter and danielle had printed them out and attached them to a poster board and decorated it for me.  i started crying as soon as she handed it to me (actually, i'm kind of tearing up now thinking about it) because i just felt so loved.

the girls reminded me (and continually remind me, as i read my letters pretty often) that my loyalty isn't a curse.  being shy doesn't mean that i'm not a fun person.  i care about people, and i don't think that's a bad thing.  sometimes i need to remember these things, because i do struggle with being too loyal and too shy, but i forget that there's nothing wrong with that.  i love deeply, i care deeply, i would drop everything in a minute for a friend or family member in need.

i want to share a little of those letters they wrote to me, mostly for my own memory, but also because you need to know how much these girls love me.  i think it's hard to understand our bond; we live hundreds of miles away from each other, and yet they're still my bestest friends. 

from ali:  "you are such a strong, amazing, caring, funny, loyal (the list goes on and on...) are so good at making sure everyone around you is happy..."

from ana:  "you're a wonderful person with a big heart!"

from danielle:  "to my little feisty latina...i am incredibly lucky to have a friend as loyal, trustworthy, caring, selfless and amazing as you are."

from jenna:  "i will have you know that you have made me OBSESSED with leopard print and red and everything leopard print and red combined...keep your chin up baby girl!"

from kelly:  "you are such an amazing compassionate person and i'm always impressed how you can light up a room and make everyone happy and laughing just by being your sweet, sometimes shy, sometimes sarcastic, always adorable self."

from kimmy (who wrote me a poem from the letters in my name; kind of like the song she and danielle sang me in orlando):  "D is for the way (DAMN you have a long name!)...i mean you DANCE so well (lessons please?)."

can you see why we're best friends?  we pick each other up, all the time.  and it's like that with every person in my support system.  i know my sisters will always have my back.  my mom and dad didn't even ask if i needed their help, they just said they would take care of my bills until i can get back on my feet.  that's what love and loyalty are about.  and so i will keep chugging along, because i don't want to let my loved ones down.  they know i can do anything, and so i will. 

with their love and support, every step of the way.

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