today marks the start of a new chapter in my life.
it's a scary feeling, knowing that you can't go back and change your actions. the "what-ifs" start to cloud your rationale and you second-guess yourself until you're not even sure if you're still second-guessing, or maybe you've moved on to third, fourth and fifth-guessing.
it's done now. i can't take it back. and maybe sometimes i still sit here and think, was that the right thing to do? but mostly i don't think about it at all and that makes me believe that it WAS the right thing to do.
that's not to say that i don't still have memories. because i do. good and bad. but the memories, and the reality of the situation have no effect on each other, and so i did what i believe to be best for me.
but still, i am scared. and i am sad. and i wish that things didn't end up the way that they did. i wish that i wasn't thinking about a future i never imagined. i wish that i didn't have to lie here in this bed alone, thinking about the "what-ifs". i'm never going to get those, at least not the way i originally imagined them. but at some point, things will change, right? i'll find a new path, and i'll want new things, and i'll have a completely different future.
i had a dream this weekend, that threw me off a little bit. i wasn't quite sure what it meant. a sinking ship? what does that mean? maybe it means that it was never going to work. maybe it means something completely irrelevant. maybe it was just a nightmare. i'm leaning towards it meaning that until this new chapter was begun, i wasn't going to get anywhere. today, i'm already moving forward.
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