Wednesday, April 24, 2013

one day.

i'm in a new season of my life.

i want it to be easier.

i've never been alone.

i've never had to think about going to weddings, alone.
i've never had to think about planning vacations, alone.
i've never had to think about buying a home, or a car, alone.

all of this has been so scary.  sometimes i wonder if i'll always be alone.

i know i'm not the only one.  one of my new friends from interning is also going through something similar.  and over the weekend i realized that almost everyone in my family has gone through it.  they got through the pain, and the loneliness, and they all found love again eventually.

i'm coming to terms with not being a part of a couple.  i know it's going to take a really, really long time.  i know that i'm going to have backslides and i'm going to have days i won't want to go to family events, because i'll be reminded again of what i've lost.

but i also know that one day it'll be easier.

and one day it'll be a breath of fresh air.

and one day i won't even notice, because i'll be good with my self.

and that...that sigh of relief.  that image in the mirror that is so perfect and pure.  the one that says "i am here.  i have been here all along.  and i am happy and healthy.  me.  and alone."

that will be so worth it in the end.

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