Friday, January 18, 2013

new girl.

i'm contemplating becoming the kind of girl that makes her bed every morning (i can see you doing cartwheels, mom!).  the past few days, with classes starting and my internship coming up, i've started to adjust to waking up much earlier than normal, getting dressed nicely and doing something with my hair other than a braid or bun.  even though i'm 26 and recently moved back in with my parents (which is very convenient, let me tell you), i'm starting to feel more and more like a grown up (yes, it might have something to do with the pantyhose and ladylike purse i've been carrying around).

i guess the realization that my bestest girl friends are getting married, and will (hopefully) soon be having babies has been hitting me a little harder the past few weeks.  i was married for five years, but to be quite honest, we were just a couple of kids (okay, young, very young, adults) without plans.  now the people i respect and love and look up to the most are moving on with their lives.  i truly can't wait to see the first "psi" baby.  i'm dying to visit the first "psi" house (that would be jenna's).

in the past year, these are the things that have become important to me.  a family, a home.  stability, although i still crave roaming wild and free.  it's been a rough realization, because (i am of the opinion that) the heart wants what the heart wants.  this may not be true for everyone, but it is for me.  as we grow older and into our own lives, we are faced with decisions that our family or friends may not agree with, but (i believe) the truly adult thing to do in those situations is to unapologetically go in the direction that you feel is the best for you.  i won't say that i don't worry daily, immensely, that i am hurting someone's feelings, or disappointing the people i care most about.  these are the things that i have consistently stressed about my entire life.

i have a year.  i'll be done with school in december (i hope).  it's time to think of my future plans, career, how i'm going to pay for school (both undergrad and [hopefully] grad), a new car (i had no clue roxie was getting so old!  i've had her for 5 years already!), whether to stay or go...

for now, i'll settle for being the lady who just learned she loves mani/pedis, chic, tailored trench coats, making her bed, paying for the maintenance on her car instead of that cute pair of hot pink stilettos...well, maybe i can still swing the stilettos.

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