heavy.

there are thoughts i'd love to chase from my mind.  a "and don't you ever come back" hollered at the top of my lungs.  i might not ever shake those thoughts.  the ones that seem to weigh me down. 


i've been thinking a lot lately, about courage and strength.  about holding on to and defending the things that are important to you, even when others think you should let them go.  i think of women like hilary clinton, who seem so incredibly strong in the face of adversity, heartbreak, even when being interrogated over events she had very little control over.  i want that kind of strength and courage.

i've also been thinking about forgiveness.  and what it means to forgive.  just because you forgive someone for something they've done to you, doesn't mean you can forget it.  but it also doesn't mean that you shouldn't.  my parents have taught me many things, open-mindedness being one of them.  i think that's the biggest reason that i don't see things in black and white.  i can almost always see all the different shades of gray. 

there are few actions that we as human beings take that come easily.  it's human nature to think of the consequences of our actions.  for me, i often wonder if i'll be causing more problems for my family and the others i love.  will they still think i'm a good person, an intelligent person, if i make a certain choice?  will they see me as weak if i go against the grain, against what we're all brought up to believe and say will be our choice if we're put in that kind of situation?  i can't know the answers to these questions, even though they weigh heavily on my mind.