Thursday, September 13, 2012

turning page.

i'm not afraid to fall in love again. i have no reason to be. my heart was broken in the worst way and i was betrayed by a boy i thought would be the man i'd spend my life with, but that won't keep me from finding a man who deserves my love and will actively build a life with me.

love is something that i wish everyone could find.  there is nothing sweeter than the getting-to-know-a-person stage in which you first begin to feel those deep, yearning feelings for someone.  you have moments of absolute disbelief at how much you feel and how quickly your heart lights up when you think about that person, or talk about that person, or the first five minutes you spend with that person every time you see them.  then there is the comfort of watching a tv marathon, or ordering pizza and beer, and not having to say a thing, but just being near that person is enough.  there are the caresses that are calming (small of my back, in my case) and the passion burning under each touch in just the right spot.  why would any person not want to experience that?

that's why it's been so easy to hang out with B. i'm not going to deny the attraction between us (19 years in the making) because i had my heart broken by a boy who didn't deserve it. why should i when laughing and talking and making plans with him feels so natural? yes, i could be scared because of how i've been treated in the past.  i could be worried that others are judging me for wanting to move on so fast and i could give up something that could be absolutely amazing out of the fear of striking out.  but that wouldn't be fair to either of us.  to deny myself the chance to get to know him and to see if our connection is as perfect as it feels would be the real travesty of my broken heart.

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