Thursday, May 10, 2012

rough waters.

today i have my last final exam of the spring semester.  i'm a little nervous for it, because it's in my most difficult class, but i'm glad to be pretty much done and anxious to see my grades for this semester.  i'll have a three week break before the summer semester begins.  i'm only taking one class in the first summer session and one in the second summer session, but these classes will meet every day for an hour and a half.  something tells me i'll be even more busy than i have been this semester.

i really am going to try to blog more, though.  my mom said to me yesterday, "maybe you'll have more time to blog, now that classes are done."  i think that was a hint that she feels like my blog has been neglected since january.  lol, i guess she's right.

it's not just that i've been busy.  there are a multitude of other reasons for my neglecting this blog.  probably the most important one being that i feel as though i've lost my voice.  i have no focus.  i keep starting little essays or what-have-you, but never finish one.  my mood has been low and i haven't had much motivation to do anything other than surf my favorite blogs and watch crime dramas.  there are a few projects i would love to work on, but i have no idea how to bring them to fruition.

also, i keep thinking that i've completely lost sight of my dreams.  so much so that i don't even know what my dreams are anymore.  there's this song i've been listening to on repeat by the eli young band (i'll post it later) that has got me thinking about this more and more.  i have no grasp of my future.  no passions that consume my whole being.  i feel as though i've been going through the motions.  i read the blogs of all these amazing young women and think, where do they find their...gumption?  i'm not trying to compare to them.  i just want to find myself.  i feel a little lost.  maybe a lot lost.

so here's to hoping this three week summer break i have will give me a little clarity, that carrying a notebook around will encourage me to write more and find inspiration in the little things and maybe i can finally start to get a grasp on my dreams.  maybe.

and hopefully i can find the time/money to go visit at least one of my girlfriends.  i miss all of them so.

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