Thursday, June 2, 2011

Little Big town - Lean Into It

yesterday was rough.

it started out fine enough. i got a little dressed up, cute skirt and top, knowing that i would have to see clients in the morning. things have been unnecessarily tense between ernest and i, but i wasn't really worrying about it. i got in my car, started my drive to work. picked up some breakfast and headed for the tolls. paid the toll and started merging with the other lanes. then, out of nowhere, this witch comes up from behind me, squeezes in and pretty much pushes me into the next lane (luckily there wasn't anyone in that lane!). i honked at her, but she knew what she did so she didn't care.

then, fuming, i got to work. opened my email. and started receiving approximately 40 emails from the office that has to approve katrina insurance settlements for the state of louisiana. started opening those and come to find that about half of the ones i opened (i think i only got through 8, all day) were going to cause problems with the clients and attorneys. great. not the end of the world, but a pain in the ass, all the same.

ernest and i have been disagreeing a lot about different stuff lately, so that's put a lot of unnecessary stress on me as well. it's hard to live with someone who is so negative and critical. it's really starting to drive me crazy, the worse that it gets.

so if you add all of that stress to the fact that yesterday, i also received my rejection notification from the grad school i applied to and found out that my mom has to have surgery, well, i guess you can say i'll be "leaning into it" for a while.

yes, i did say that my mom has to have surgery. so far it doesn't sound like it'll be too bad (or maybe that's just us contreras' in denial), but it's scary all the same. i definitely want to be home more now, than ever. i feel like i have this huge weight on my shoulders right now, and a panic attack is right around the corner.

only i don't want to complain. i don't want to be that person who wallows in all of their stress and disappointments. because i am, really, truly disappointed right now. in almost every aspect of my life, to be honest. i try really hard to be the person who puts their best foot forward, but it's exhausting and leaves me depressed when "that-time-of-the-month" comes. no one wants to be that person. least of all me.

the only bright side is that i'm more determined than ever to get back into school. i've already taken a look at a few other programs that are more in my area of interest (well, one of my many interests). it won't be at my dream school, but sometimes you just have to dream new dreams.

and so i will. i can't let this be where i fall. i just have to turn my fears into strength and press on. just like the song says.

1 comment:

tia fina said...

I love your spirit, hon...cling to it...always, even when you want to throw your hands up and surrender...never give in...keep spreading your wings and just know: "this too shall pass". I'm excited that you will be going back to school and pursuing one of your dreams...I can NEVER fully express how proud you make me. Love, Mom